It’s been a while. This September is a busy month. I apologize if some of you wait eagerly for my random musings (you don’t). This one doesn’t count because I’m drunk, and hey, kiss my ass. I’m moving into the city this week. I’m happy about that.
Anyway, I just chased a bottle of wine with a Lucky Strike. I love the buzz of the occasional cigarette. (I know I’ve started an article this way before, but whatever.) It’s as if I may fall through the concrete and tumble towards the lizards that live at the center of the Earth. That’s a reference to Journey to the Center of the Earth. I used to watch it when I was a kid. The original. My dad recommended it. I thought it was neat. But, the best part was watching him watch it – wide-eyed and just as invested as I was. It was big when he was a kid, and I could tell it was the same for him in the moments when we watched it together on a Saturday afternoon in our living room as it was in whatever matinee he may have caught it. We all have movies like that, I hope. Something we can watch that pulls us out of this reality of the present and puts us in a place where imagination reigns.
But, we get old and want to wear suits. Or think we should. It is a state of dress picked up by the eyes of those around us which places us in a higher stratum. This isn’t an illusion. I would like to say it is, and in a world where appearance doesn’t matter it might be. In this world we enter a role and our appearance gives us that initial boost. We can opt to dress casually, but in that we must struggle. The suit allows us to avoid it. It adds instant respect. From there we can only fuck it up and become a douchebag, or gain more respect, more power.
We are put on a shelf no matter what. At first it is our appearance that determines which shelf. After that it is our confidence, and after that how we wield that confidence. Beyond that it comes down to personal taste. On which shelf do we exist with our lovers? Our bosses? Our friends? In which strata have we found a niche? And more so: is it a permanent placement? I have often dropped in shelf ranks until I was on the floor, forgotten, and eventually swept away with the pennies and dust bunnies.
Yes, I throw away pennies.
But, we still have movies. Roles there are steadfast. We can project ourselves into those characters and find a better fit. The changes of a given Hero over the course of a story make life less heavy because can muse that we too can change. Eventually we may not be on the floor. One day we will be in higher regard, amidst the indefinable lovers of the objects of our affection. We can be the man that she seems to always be confused by. We can be the man who seems, from our perspective, to take her for granted and somehow parries her wiles. We may, or may not be, wearing a very sharp suit.